It's Time

It's time. You know....the time. When you look in the mirror and wonder how? How those line on the side of my mouth got there. You know the ones that create that jowls slash permanent frown expression. Then all it takes is 2 fingers on both sides of your eyes with a little outward lift motion...They DISAPPEAR!!! But see, no one let's you walk around holding your eyes and mumbling 23, 33, 23, 33. (you know...the 10 year age transformation span) Anyway I figure I'll just accept them and smile. BIG MISTAKE! Holy cow.....did you see those lines around the eyes when you smile. Really! Crows feet...and why do we call them that! Regroup, wear some big sunglasses, buy a strong drink (Starbucks or other), and then smile. Plus, when payday comes I'm buying some stronger cream! Hear that....Gift Givers.... for my way too close birthday I need Cream!

Sidenote: If drinking a happy drink (Starbucks or other) through a straw, jowls disappear!

Penis

That title made you come view my blog, didn't it? Well, I won't disappoint. This is a clean post all about the adventures of Toddler (just turned 3 year old) and his penis.

Toddler is on the couch counting to ten. Mind you he is naked because here in AZ it is so hot that he just strips done and runs free. He has one hand cupped over his penis.

Toddler: ...8, 9, 10. Ready or not here I come!
Me: What are you doing?
Toddler: Playing hide n' seek.
Me: With who?
Toddler: My Penis! See (he uncups his hand) I found him!


Toddler: Mom ! My penis is broke!
Me: Why? What do you think is wrong?
Toddler: It's laying down, Mommy.
Me: It's not broke, just sometimes it needs to sleep.
Toddler: Oh, goodnight penis!


Toddler was running around in his superman undies and I noticed something sticking out of the leg hole.
Me: Toddler, why is your penis sticking out of your undies?
Toddler: Oh Mom, he's just breathing.

Toddler: Mommy! (sobbing) I broke it. There is 2.
Me: Are you okay? Did you fall off the bed when you were jumping?
Toddler: There's 2! There's 2!
Me: There's 2 of what.
Toddler: (pointing to his testicles) 2 in there
Me: There has always been 2 in there.
Toddler: Oh, yeah! The more the merrier!


Now on to some bathroom humor.

Toddler: Mom, I have to pee.
me: okay ( hoist him up on the potty) when you're done, wash your hands and bring me your undies.
(3 minutes too late I walk in to check on him)
Me: Toddler, what are you doing?
Toddler: Painting you a picture.
There he was perfecting brush strokes on my wall with an extremely over saturated Q-Tip.
Me: Toddler, how did you get the Q-Tip so wet?
Toddler points to the toilet
Me: Eww, Honey that's pee-pee water. You didn't flush.
Toddler: I know Mom, I needed yellow to paint you a sun shiny day.

And that folks is the many so far adventures of Toddler and his penis..........

Left Behind

Left behind. I know it sounds horrible but I am so guilty when it comes to those words. I realize that I have had many great friends and family relationships in my life but then it happens...I leave them behind. Not on purpose, mind you, I simply run out of hours in the day. Old roommates, and best friends simply vanish into a drawer full of pictures. Most not forgotten. They live somewhere in my heart and pop up periodically in my mind. I wonder how I lost touch with them and if they even remember me. Quite honestly the people I talk to now are in the present time. Mostly colleagues at work, but as they move on or I change jobs will they be left behind too. It's funny because I can remember bonds so strong with people in my past that I was certain we would be close forever.....now they're forgotten. I keep track of people on my cell phone. When it breaks, they become forgotten. I am bad at inviting people out, or over. I am horrible when it comes to birthdays. I don't call people to check on them and if they don't call me they become the left behind. As I mature (I'm not getting older), I realize how I have missed out on some beautiful friendships. It's sad really, almost lonely. Hopefully it is not to late and I can reconnect to some of those precious friends and family. Now that my kids are more easily babysat I can once again enjoy friendly dinners with other guilt free. If you are reading this and I left you behind, I'm sorry. Hurry though my life is at a red light and I'm waiting for you to catch up.

Knock Knock

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Just me! Shut Up, I know!
Toddler and Daddy left on an impromptu camp trip overnight to visit my dad and Tween stayed at a friend's house. So let's recap this! No "mom, I have to pee!"; "Tween wash your face"; "Daddy snoring and bed hogging"; and no little visitors crawling into my bed tonight! This means no elbows in the face, getting kicked in the stomach and pushed out of the bed. ( I only have a queen sized bed...too small for us) Could this also mean.....dare I say it......I get to sleep in! Somebody pinch me! Oh wait, that's right...no one's here!

Have I mentioned that amid all this excitement I suddenly really miss my little kisses and the feeling of being needed? Oh wait I'm over it! I'll enjoy the break but relish in the blessing of having a family to call mine when they all return tomorrow afternoon.

Protect and Serve

Toddler looks like he may have already found his career path. Honor, protection and service; plus he would get to play with the siren and the lights. How cool is that!

New Commandment

Since God's busy I have volunteered to write some more much needed commandments.
Thou shall not sit upon a motorcycle looking like your 16 when your only 11!
AMEN!
Many more commandments to follow. Got one? Feel free to add!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Toddler!

Your party was fun but way too HOT! We served breakfast and had a bounce house. We also had fun with the Pinata and everyone left with there own bouncy ball to hop around on. Tween took a shot at Spongebob too!